Why Writing is Torture

In Cincinnati, we got off to a slow start, mostly because we were staying with family in a nice, comfy house with a big TV and DVR. It's a little hard to get motivated when you need to catch up on your Project Runway. We did eventually get together a list of resources that we could work from. We had Italian actress and sculptor, Stefania Marcone, cartoonist and actor Craig Boldman, a working sculpture of a mom and baby, and an art studio with about 4 hours of availability.

Some might look at this list of resources and say impossible! No one can make a movie with such limitations. However we seem to work better the more restrictions we have. We quickly came up with a rough concept and then I set to work writing the script. I was definitely entering a world of insecurity when I agreed to write the screenplay. Prior to T3, I'd only ever read a handful of scripts let alone written one. I suppose I technically wrote the movie in Bozeman but the story was conceived in great detail by other people and I just had to physically write it down.

So, with some naivete, I wrote a script. I showed it to Josh and he read it. His only response was "ok, send it to the actors." No feedback whatsoever. I tried to probe a little asking questions about certain parts but again his only response was "it's good. send it out." So, holding my breath, I hit the send button. Writing, as I'm sure actual writers (unlike myself, a complete impostor) is incredibly personal and to have other people read it is absolutely terrifying to me. It was too late, though. As soon as I hit send, it was out there. There was no turning back. We were going to make my movie.

We arrived on set the next day and I'm sure my self-consciousness showed despite my efforts to hide it. When we started rolling, I scrutinized the delivery of every line. During the writing process I heard in my head how everything was supposed to go. Then, in production, I realized how much room there was for interpretation to even the simplest of lines. We were, no doubt, working with incredibly talented actors. However, when I wrote it, never in my head did I imagine an Italian accent. Of course, I knew this going in but I didn't realize how different it would make each scene: Different syllables were emphasized, different intonation, different emotion. Not bad different, just different.

The whole night was painful for me. Certain lines didn't work. Some scenes were changed dramatically based on logistics or the pace of the film. Mostly it was painful not knowing how everyone felt about it. I wasn't sure if Josh really believed in the story having only said "it's good". I didn't know if the actors liked the script or if they were doing it only because they had already committed. If it were up to me, I would have sat with them and analyzed each line in depth until it was changed beyond recognition and I would no longer have to claim it as my own. The responsibility of it weighed on me and I hated it.

Despite my obvious insecurities, the filming went well. I think the movie is good, possibly award winning depending on the editing (just kidding!) but acceptable at the very least of a T3 film. The reward of a satisfying product might possibly make it worth the torture I put myself through. Will I do it again? Probably under the coercion of Josh but it will take coercion. The moral of the story: If you're a writer, I commend your courage in exposing yourself in your work and your flexibility in allowing your imagination to be transferred to reality. Keep doing what you're doing.